An interview with Alex

Instead of doing one of my typical, long-winded monthly posts, I decided to share Alex's 2-year interview from his journal that B got him on his first Valentine's Day. The interview starts with some questions for Alex's parents, i.e. Yours Truly, then moves into an interview with Alex himself.

Major milestones and important accomplishments this year: you learned to walk and climb and run and jump, you learned to talk and to sing and dance, you know your letters and numbers and shapes and body parts (even the obscure ones, like your forehead and elbows), you started school, you have lots of friends, you are sleeping in a big boy bed, you learned to feed yourself with a fork or spoon and get more food in your mouth than on your shirt...

Funny moments: you demonstrating your vibrato singing skills when singing the alphabet. your silly faces. when you spin in circles, then stop and let your eyeballs roll around in your head. when you laugh really hard because we are laughing, even though you don't know what is funny. the way that you swing your hips like a belly dancer when we ask you to dance for us...

I'm most proud of you for: being friendly and outgoing. I love that whenever I take you out in public, you smile and talk to everyone and make other people feel good just by being near you.

My predictions for your future: you will keep us on our toes. One minute you will torture me with your whining and your tantrums, and the next minute, you will be charming me with your...charm. I will spend sleepless nights trying to decide how to handle your attitude and your temper tantrums, then in the morning, you'll greet me with a "hi Mommy!!" and I'll forget that you ever had an attitude to be dealt with.

Characteristic I most love about you: how do I choose just one? I can't. So I will just list a bunch instead.

I love that, if you get hungry at any point during the day, you will climb into your high chair and say, "eat!"

I love that you often refer to both your dad and I as "Mommy-Daddy", so that you don't have to think about which one you are talking to and use the appropriate name. Some might call it lazy. I call it efficient.

I love that, when I pick you up from school, you immediately stop what you are doing, scream "Mommmmyyyyyy!!!", and run to me as if we've been apart for months.

I love the way you no longer answer questions with a simple yes or no. Now, if I ask you to do something, you always say, "sure, Mom". Or if I do something you don't like, you say, "no, Mom", and not just in a casual way, but in an annoyed way that is often accompanied by an eye roll that implies, "(*Sigh*) Seriously woman? Must you be so difficult?"

I love how you shout, "woohooo!" whenever you do something you are proud of.

I love how, when you concentrate on something, your mouth hangs open and your tongue bulges out like a slack-jawed yokel. But a cute one.

I love that, when you see something you have painted or drawn hanging on the wall, you GASP dramatically, point at it, and scream, "aaaaaart!"

I love how, when I open the door to your room in the morning, you always greet me with a cheerful, "Hi, Mommy!"

I love when you are sitting by yourself, and you start to sing out loud to the songs in your head.

I love when I lie down in your bed to chat with you at night, and you reach up and close my eyelids so I will fall asleep with you.

I love how you say, "cheese!" when I point the camera at you, but you don't bother to look up from what you are doing or smile at me when you do it.

I love how you wrinkle your nose and say, "P.U.!!" whenever you see something gross.

My biggest worry this year was: that I would not have the patience to deal with the Terrible Twos, which started months ago. You've only officially been two for a few days, and I already find myself pulling my hair out when you throw your tantrums. Patience is not something I have an excess of.

Other thoughts: I need to keep things in perspective when it comes to your behavior. Even if you throw half a dozen hissyfits in the course of a day, each fit lasting five minutes, that's a mere 30 minutes out of the day that you are being a beast. That leaves ten waking hours a day that you are my buddy, my sweet, darling boy who makes me smile and laugh and want to grab you and squeeze your guts out...in a good way. I'd say that's a pretty reasonable beast-to-buddy ratio.

The next portion of the interview is questions that we asked Alex. Then he dictated as I typed I his answers. Which I have transcribed for you here. Word for word.

Q. What is your favorite color:
A. I used to refer to all colors as "blue", and now I think everything is "purple". I can recognize and recite the alphabet, count to twelve, sing songs, compose arias, and find the derivatives of various trig functions, but I can't tell the difference between yellow and blue. My mom is afraid I am colorblind. Everyone else thinks I am just stubborn.

Q. Who is your best friend?
A. My mom. She feeds me and plays with me and lets me watch train movies even though she hates my train movies. My dad's cool, too, but time-invested has pushed mom into the "best" spot. It's only fair.

Q. What is your favorite food?
A. I generally have a flavor of the week. I will love something one week, and then not want to touch it the next, so my "favorites" are usually short-lived. Some of my recent favorites are yogurt, blueberries, peanuts (which, apparently, kids aren't supposed to have), hot dogs, pizza, and Sun Chips. But I will try anything once. Even brussel sprouts. Tried them once. Didn't like 'em.

Q. What is your favorite dessert?
A. Ice cream. But I don't really get the whole "melting" thing, so I tend carry my ice cream around like a trophy until it has melted down my arm and onto my clothes. Then I try to eat it and am annoyed that it is dripping on me. And it really annoys my mom, too, so I don't get ice cream very often.

Q. What is your favorite thing to do?
A. That's a three-way tie between watching train movies, playing at the park/mall playground/zoo playground, and playing with the train set at Barnes & Noble.

Q. What do you want to do when you grow up?
A. Be a train. And if I can't be a train, I'd like to be a train conductor. And if I can't be a train conductor, I'd like for someone to pay me to watch train movies all day.

Q. What is you favorite TV show?
A. Sesame Street. Thomas the Tank Engine is on during my naptime, otherwise that would be my answer. Except that my mom hates that show and probably wouldn't let me watch it anyway.

Q. Where is your favorite place to go?
A. The zoo, the park, or the children's section at Barnes & Noble. Where the trains are.

Q. What makes you happy?
A. Anything related to trains or ice cream. I also get very excited when my dad gets home from work.

Q. What makes you sad?
A. Not much. I get mad when I don't get what I want, like when my mom tells me I cannot, under any circumstance, watch my coo-coo movie again.

Q. What are you afraid of?
A. I used to hate the vacuum cleaner, but now I stand in the corner of the room and try to be brave while mom cleans the floors. Lucky for me, that doesn't happen very often. I'm very cautious around the water, too, and I hate to walk around in the kiddie pool by myself, even when my mom is within arms' reach. My mom says that going by myself in the pool is a good thing to be afraid of, even though it kind of annoys her, too.

Q. What are you most proud of?
A. All of the things I know. I can pretty much name anything that my mom points at, and I really like to show off by singing my alphabet and counting things for people.

Q. If you could wish on a star right now, what would you wish for?
A. A bowl of ice cream and a train movie.

Q. What is your favorite thing about school?
A. Everything! Doing art projects, learning new songs, playing with my friends, and playing in the ball room. Oh wait, I've recently decided that I don't like napping at school. But I love everything else!

Q. What is your favorite thing about birthdays?
A. Cake, ice cream, and presents!

Q. Would you rather be really famous or really smart?
A. I love attention and interacting with people, so I'd have to say I'd rather be famous. Although it would be nice if I were famous for being smart...

Q. Would you rather be the age you are now or 25 years old?
A. Um, is this a trick question? Hmm, let's see...I live with my folks, rent-free; my mom feeds me three squares and two snacks a day, and if I don't like what she's made, I whine until until she gives me something else; I never have to clean the toilet seat...or wipe my own hiney, for that matter; people force me to take a nap in the middle of the day, just so that I have enough energy to get up and play with my toys; people think that everything I do is awesome; I don't have to wash my own clothes or pick out my own clothes or dress myself...Yeah, I think I'd like to stay two forever.

Q. Would you rather know how to talk to animals or how to fly?
A. I already talk to animals, so I would love to learn how to fly. I love to be thrown in the air or pushed high in a swing so that my stomach drops when I come back down. Come to think of it, it's the falling that I like more than the flying. And I already know how to fall.

Q. Would you rather go on a trip to outer space or to the bottom of the sea?
A. Considering my whole "afraid of water" thing and my whole "wanting to fly" thing, I'd have to say that I'd rather board a space ship than a submarine.

Q. Would you rather have ten sisters or ten brothers?
A. Ten sisters. Sisters would play with girly stuff like dolls and makeup and they would leave my trains and tools alone.

doctors and dum-dums

Alex had his 2 year well child visit this afternoon, and the doc confirmed that he is, indeed, a well child. Our previous pediatrician moved his practice to Rockwall, TX, so we spent some time catching our new doc up to speed. And I don't want to throw her under the bus or anything, but she wasn't exactly the warm and fuzzy type, and while I respect a doc who takes her job seriously, it would be nice to have one who seems to like kids. Okay, that's being a little harsh. But my usually outgoing Alex took cover in my armpit when she walked in the room and attempted to say "hi" to him, which wasn't the reaction I expected. Of course, he warmed up in about 1.5 seconds and was soon running around the room, banging tongue depressors against the doors and windows.

To be specific, the doc was more clinical than I am used to pediatricians being, in that she was more focused on the paperwork than on Alex. When I mentioned his...um...er...digestive issues and his sensitive skin, she thrust a bunch of papers at me outlining the prevention and treatment of constipation and eczema, then rattled off a list of child-safe laxatives and allergy medicines that I might try. (She also gave me an oatmeal cookie recipe that is supposed to help...move things along, which A will be oh so happy about. Lucky kid. I mean, I've been suffering from chronic fatigue for a while - I wonder if I can get my doctor to write me a prescription for coffee cake?)

At some point, she asked me how he was doing at school, and I stupidly mentioned that he has had a few instances of biting other kids. She then proceeded to lecture him about how biting wasn't nice and he shouldn't do it, and I was all, Wait! You mean I should have told him not to bite other kids!? Why didn't I think of that!!??

She spent a grand total of twenty seconds actually looking at Alex, then continued to grill me about his eating habits and sleeping habits and any other habits he might have. I mean, I definitely appreciate that she wanted to be thorough. I know there's a lot of protocol when it comes to these well visits, and even more ground to cover since she's never treated Alex. But I was hoping for a little more personal interaction straight out the gate, know what I'm sayin'?

Whatever the case, she was very impressed by his statistics, which were as follows:

Weight: 29.4 lbs (68%)
Height: 38.5" (100%)
Head Circ.: 19.3" (56%)

I could swear that the nurse said he was 37.5" tall as opposed to 38.5 when she measured him, but the "official" growth chart they sent home with us said 38.5. I may measure him myself, just to double check. Either way, he's a big little guy. She also said that, at 13.9, his BMI is "ideal". I guess his All Prune Juice Diet is paying off.

While I wasn't totally smitten with our doctor, the nurses at the clinic are awesome, especially the one that took A's vitals and gave him his last Hep A vaccination. So that made me a little less anxious about her jabbing my darling child in the thigh with a needle. The boisterous nurse was just yakking away as she yanked the cap off the needle (which I swear she did with her teeth, now that I think about it...) and jabbed A in the leg. He had no idea it was coming, and she had shot him up and got a bandaid on before he even got a chance to react. And he reacted by yelling, "boo-boooo!!!!" and crying really hard for about twenty seconds, until the nurse came in to bribe him with a giant bucket of Dum-Dums.

Unfortunately, that wasn't the end for Alex. The doc wanted to have his blood drawn to test for anemia and...something else that they routinely screen for in kids his age. So we had to head to pathology to have another nurse stick a needle in his arm - and then leave it there for what felt like ten years. Worse yet, I had to restrain my poor baby myself, using some sort of elaborate wrestling hold that the nurse showed me to keep his arms and legs still while they took his blood. He cried pretty hard and screamed throughout the process, but as soon as I let go of his arms, he stuck his Dum-Dum in his mouth like a pacifier and immediately stopped crying.

So that's the scoop on Alex's 2 year visit. Aside from the occasional rash or bellyache, he is a happy, healthy boy, and we are so blessed by that. Now that he's two, we won't have another well visit until he's three. Lord willing, we won't have any visits with the doc before then!

Happy Birthday, Alex!

Alex turned 2 yesterday, and I am still reveling in the fact that we've made it this far. I have spent the last week in the throes of birthday party planning, the party went over smashingly this morning, and I am now in recovery. That said, a birthday blogpost (or two) will come in the next day or two, once the madness has waned. But for now, I just wanted to officially wish my little birthday boy a big congrats on (the day after) his big day. Happy b-day, Booger!

blame it on the brain

Oh, and I thought I should mention that any future indiscretions that Alex might commit could be blamed on post-traumatic stress resulting from a bad spill he took today. To make a long story short (because the long story involves Alex throwing a hissy fit in the middle of the parking lot at Michael's because I wouldn't take him next door to see the dogs at PetSmart because we had a thousand other errands to run today to prepare for his party, and I set him in the back of the van so he wouldn't get hit by a car, seeing as how he was flailing around on the ground, and when I reached down to grab my purse off the ground, he fell out, hit his hip, and clunked his head on the concrete), he fell out of the van and clunked his head on the concrete. HARD. I pretty much freaked out and took him to the pediatrician, who said just to watch for unusual behavior but not to worry, otherwise.

Thankfully, I made him wear his baseball cap this morning because his hair was a mess, and besides, it was the perfect accessory to his sporty outfit. And I completely believe that the hat created just enough of a cushion between his head and the ground to prevent his brains from spilling onto the concrete. All he has to show for his fall is a tiny bump and some red spots where blood vessels burst when he hit the ground; however, I am still having major anxiety over what may be going on inside his head, namely, his brain swelling or bleeding or any of the other horrible things you imagine after your kid takes a major spill. At least his injury is under his hair and not in the middle of his face like it was last year. See, look at me being all, "the glass is half full!"

talkin' 'bout his reputation

Alex started "summer school" a couple weeks ago after a month long break, and when I picked him up yesterday afternoon, I stuck around to talk with his teacher for a bit about his progress. At one point she asked me whether anyone we know is in the habit of pinching Alex's cheeks, like maybe an old aunt or a granny who thinks that kids actually like to have their cheeks pinched. I said no and when I asked why, she said that Alex had pinched several children in the class on the face that day.

I thought about it for a second, and then it came to me - that wretched Thomas the Tank Engine movie starring Alec Baldwin.

You remember that movie, the one that should have gotten an award for being the Worst Movie Ever Filmed? Well, the bad guy in that movie is a train named Diesel 10, and Diesel 10 has a crane attached to his head that has little pincers on the end to pick up coal and...dirt...or whatever it is that diesel engines do with pincers...and since watching that stupid movie, Alex will form his fingers into little pincers and pretend to pinch people's faces. We have discouraged him from doing it, even though he only does it playfully, because we know that "pretend" pinching can lead to nothing good. And clearly, we were correct in that assumption.

So not only is that movie completely void of entertainment value, it is also encouraging children to commit violent acts against their peers. Like I needed another reason to hate it.

To be fair, though, Alex didn't need much encouragement to commit violent acts against his peers, considering that he also bit someone that same day (and no, none of the trains bite each other in that stupid movie...although someone probably ought to...) This is the first instance of Alex biting someone in a really long time, and his teacher is always very sweet to offer excuses for him, like by saying that he is the only kid in the class without siblings, so he is not used to sharing toys and such. She also said that, after he hurts someone, he is immediately apologetic about it and says he's sorry and gives them a hug.

She also said that he is a major ham at music time, and that he is generally very affectionate and loving towards his classmates (when he's not biting or pinching them, that is). She described a time when a little girl was crying because she missed her mommy, and Alex went over to her, on his own accord, and gave her a big hug and kisses to make her feel better.

Like I mentioned, we are having Alex's birthday party on Saturday. I don't actually know many of the kids in his class because most moms just drop their kids and run, then pick up their kids and run, and I really wanted to invite his classmates to his party so I could meet Alex's friends and their moms. I didn't have anyone's home address or email, so I had Alex's teachers drop these cards into the kids' bags so their moms would find them:

As a result, I've had several moms come up to me at pick-up time and say something like, "Oh, that's Alex?" And of course, I'm trying to decide how I'll respond when they tell me that their child came home with Alex's toothmarks in his arm. But instead, I had moms telling me that when they ask their child what they did at school, they always say that they played with their friend "Alex". Which tells me that a) Alex is a lot of fun, despite his occasional lapse in judgment, or b) the kids fear the wrath of Alex if they say anyone else's name. Oh well, he's popular, either way.

that's one and half things off the dollar menu

I'm sorry people, but I really need to vent.

Alex's birthday party is this Saturday, and we are doing a casual hot dog cookout with family and friends at a local park. We expect somewhere between 30-35 people, which means I need to have food for 30-35 people. And if you translate that into "Sarah terms", that means that food for 60-70 people should about cover it.

I spent over an hour last night going through all of my coupons - that's several months worth of coupons - weeding out expired coupons and looking for anything I could use to lower an inevitably astronomical grocery bill. I dropped A off at school this morning, and after a couple of quick errands, I headed to the grocery store.

Now, in general, I love my grocery store. The food is fresh, the variety is decent, the sales are good, and every single person that works there smiles, asks how you are, and whether they can help you find anything. I spent almost two hours at the store, piling things into my cart, crossing things off my list, and cross-referencing with my coupons to make sure that I am getting the right products in the right quantities to earn the discounts. You see, I am not one of those people who piles ten thousand things into her cart and then hands the cashier a fistful of coupons that have little-to-no relation to the things she is buying. I make sure that my list matches my coupons so that there is no delay when I get to the register and they scan things through.

This time, however, the register beeped loudly when the cashier scanned my coupon for Planters peanuts, despite the fact that I had triple-checked that what I bought matched what the coupon was discounting. The cashier, however, disputed that fact when I showed her the two jars of Planters dry roasted peanuts in my cart. The coupon said, and I quote, "$1.50 off on any two Planters products", and pictured below the text were three cans of Planters nuts - dry roasted peanuts, party peanuts, and cashews. I explained to the cashier that I had, indeed, bought two jars of Planters products, and thus, the coupon should apply. She went on to argue that the items pictured on the coupon were cans and not jars. I reiterated the word "any" that was clearly marked on the coupon, and explained that the word "any" implied, oh I don't know, that ANY Planters product qualified for the discount, whether that ANYTHING was in a jar or a can.

She continued to state that, if it wasn't pictured on the coupon, the coupon didn't apply. I tried to explain that the manufacturer couldn't possibly picture every single Planters product that that their store carries on a coupon that measures 1.5 x 2 inches, so they picture examples of some of their products, in this case, canned nuts, and then assume that the customer will be smart enough to decipher the word "any" that is conveniently printed on the coupon. For example, have you ever seen a coupon for Jello? Generally, a coupon for Jello features a single box of Jello in some popular flavor, like Strawberry or maybe Grape, and then the text on the coupon specifies that "any" flavor of Jello qualifies for the discount. And why is that? BECAUSE THEY CAN'T FIT ALL 28 FLAVORS OF JELLO ON ONE LITTLE COUPON, THAT'S WHY.

Sigh.

I considered asking for a manager because, seriously people, I am spending $242 at your store, can't ya just give me the buck-fifty for the dadgum peanuts? On the same token, maybe I shouldn't be so worked up over $1.50. But the thing is, I spend my precious time - time that I would much rather spend watching the Real Housewives - clipping coupons so that I can save a few bucks, and these schmoes go and give me a hard time about it. The nerve.

Anyway, I left the store with steam shooting out my ears, but at least I left with my dignity...which probably isn't worth a $1.50, come to think of it...

fireworks and...other stuff

We had an eventful 4th of July this year, starting with a fun morning at the pool. We met up with our good friend Jessica - or "Jessiwa", as Alex likes to call her - and her parents, who were in town for the holiday.

Our pool club was hosting a 4th of July party, including games for the kids and a "burger fry" (which is apparently the southern way of saying a "burger grill" because there was no frying involved). Alex ate his weight in baked Cheetos, which Jessica brought to share (obviously unaware of the excessive Cheeto-consumption of which my child is capable), and proceeded to eat part of a hot dog, some chips, a strawberry, some blueberries, and then completely hijacked the hamburger that I was attempting to eat. Because that wasn't enough, Jessica's mom, Karen, helped Alex suck down a Flavor Ice pop, at which time we discovered that Alex prefers the red Flavor Ice pops to the blue ones. Because red tastes better than blue. Obviously.

Alex was too young - well, let's be honest - he is too much of a weenie to participate in the activities the pool had planned, things like diving for coins and kickboard contests and such, but he did enjoy watching the other kids have fun. Jessica and I considered entering the hoola-hooping contest, but then we decided that we were too old and too bad at hoola-hooping to enter the hoola-hooping contest. The handful of eight-year-old girls who were not too old or too bad at hoola-hooping to enter would have wiped the floor with us. While still hoola-hooping.

We had planned to put Alex down for a late nap so that he could stay up late to watch fireworks, so after a long morning at the pool, he was ready to crash.

As I mentioned, we decided to keep Alex up for fireworks this year. We decided that Jessica and her family had not met their Evans family quota for the day, so we crashed their dinner plans and joined them at a restaurant down by Fair Park, where we planned on watching the fireworks later. Alex, however, had no interest in his dinner and spent most of the time whining and begging to "play" the arcade games in the back of the restaurant. We were prepared for such a scenario, and had already planned to head to Fair Park early to check out the festivities and let Alex burn off some steam.

We found what we thought would be a good spot (but ended up moving later because that giant tower pictured below was completely blocking our view), ate shaved ice, and took turns chasing Alex around. It's kind of hard to explain to a two-year-old that he needs to sit still for an hour-and-a-half and wait patiently to see big exploding lights in the sky. Not even delicious bites of syrup-covered ice kept the kid from running amok.

We did what we could to keep him occupied, to no avail, and finally Jessica came in to offer some assistance. Seeing as how Alex ate most of her Cheetos, it seemed only fair that he share his sweat-soaked Cubbies hat with her. I'd say it's a fair trade.

Needless to say, we were all relieved when the fireworks show started at 9:30. Alex finally started to realize what all the fuss was about, and he squealed with delight when the first round of lights lit up the sky. Then again, knowing Alex, he was probably more excited about the loud noises that accompanied the lights than the lights themselves.

He was really into the show - for the first five minutes. Then it got old and he just wanted to run around and talk to people. He was completely exhausted by the time we got home and ended up going to bed around 10:30...then was up again at 1am. He whined and whined until I went in to check on him, tucked him back in, and he went back to sleep...until 2:30am. I went back in to check on him and ended up lying beside him in the bed, trying to get him to relax and go to sleep. He thrashed and whined and was clearly miserable, but he was half asleep and too incoherent to tell me what was wrong. He finally fell asleep until he sat upright at 4:30am and said, in the most pitiful tone of voice, that his "hiney hurts". Poor kid. It was then clear that he was struggling with yet another...how do I put this delicately...traffic jam in his nether regions.

Sixteen hours, two warm baths, two cans of prune juice, and a lot of crying later, he was finally back to his old self. Ugh, that was not how I envisioned spending the rest of our holiday weekend. The good news, however, is that the kid loves prune juice. The bad news is that I now know what a dirty prune juice diaper looks like. And smells like. I mean, bleeecccccchhhhh. I would have been perfectly happy to live my whole life without that knowledge.

Anyway, despite the minor "setbacks", our 4th of July was a smashing time. I can't until next year, when we can show Alex how to set off bottle rockets.

Happy belated 4th, everybody!