Friday, May 28, 2010

where can I get a flux capacitor?

I "had a moment" (aka "bawled my eyes out") tonight when Tim reminded me that this was the last night that he and Alex and I would be alone together as the little family we have come to know over the past three years. Tim's folks are coming to town tomorrow, and my mom will get here on Sunday and stay until after Isaac is born, so it was the last time that we would "officially" have Alex all to ourselves, without other people around, and without his little bro in the mix.

It really marked the end of an era, and it made me especially aware of how time passes and you just can't get it back. That thought just tears me up, and I wish that I could document every second of our lives so that I can relive all of the wonderful moments at any given time because I know so many of the memories will fade away.

I'm also hoping that that realization will help me appreciate the difficult times instead of being so caught up in how hard they are. Like earlier today, for example, when Alex pooped in his underwear at the park and didn't tell me, and we ended up in the Porta-Potty, trying to change his pants without letting them touch the nasty floor and managed to get poop all over his shoes, socks, the floor, and my hand. Bending over for more than 6 seconds
is hard enough when you are 9+ months pregnant, let alone when you are trying to remove a three year old's poop-filled underwear in a Porta-Potty that is no less than 100 degrees and reeks like death that's been dipped in a hot vat of human excrement.

So yes, I'm hoping that I will gain a new perspective on how precious even those awful moments are. But right now I am just sad and emotional and I just want my baby to stay two-and-five-sixths forever. I may be singing a different tune tomorrow morning, when I spend twenty minutes getting Alex's breakfast order exactly right, slave over the hot stove to cook it, and serve it only to have him declare, "I need something else". But for now, I can't stop thinking about how life is going to be so different for him and for us, and while I know it will be wonderful and just as special and I am so excited for how the dynamic in our family is going to change for the better, I think I am mourning the passing of this amazing life we have been living over the past three years.

So that's where I am this evening. I plan to sleep off the sad, and by tomorrow I will be ready to start fresh and continue to prepare for the next wonderful phase of this life. Family of four, here we come!!

1 comment:

Karyn said...

Oh, you make me think back to my "last" days with just Jamey. I, too, cried. Would he be okay now that I had to "share" my time? :-) I also cried because I thought I would be dividing my love for him rather than just multiplying my love to include Jack.
That said, I'm so excited for you!!! And I'm eager to read about how you find and figure out your "new normal".
Love, Karyn