Sunday, September 16, 2007

Writer's Remorse

After going back and reading the last two entries, I started to feel some anxiety about airing my grievances to the entire blog-reading world. It is so cathartic to put into words how I'm feeling on a daily basis, but I often forget that hitting the "publish post" button instantly exposes all of my struggles and insecurities to countless readers. I realize that by sharing my thoughts and actions with such a wide array of people, I am leaving myself wide open to criticism - not an ideal situation when I am already self-conscious about whether I am making the right decisions when it comes to parenting. Of course that realization only comes in hindsight, so many a post has been followed by the thought, "Should I have said that? Maybe I've shared too much."

As Timothy often likes to point out, I have a bad habit of taking things to an extreme when trying to make a point. As such, some things that I describe as "always" might be more accurately described as "sometimes". Although I may be guilty of slight hyperbole on a rare occasion, my descriptions typically represent the truth as I see it. But to be fair, when you're a stay-at-home mom, cries often seem like wails, fifteen minutes feels like fifteen years, and "sometimes" seems like "always".

Point being, life as a mom isn't nearly as traumatic as the words I write might make it seem. I blog for many reasons, one of which is that it is a wonderful outlet for my stress (although retail therapy is a close second). For this reason, some entries emerge as a form of free association charged by the emotion of the day, whatever that emotion may be. Disclaimers aside, I enjoy keeping this blog and I am ecstatic that there are some people out there who actually like to read it. And farbeit from me to deprive my devoted fans of some good baby-mama drama, even if it is at my own expense.

So, despite my reservations, I am going to toss my ego out the window and continue to blog as frankly as I have been. Hopefully, I will be able to look back on each entry without regret and will someday appreciate having such a sincere account of this exciting, if trying, time in my life...


Amy said...

Dear Sweet Sad Sarah,
It is the honesty and openness that we are drawn too in your writing as well as your clever usage of the American language. Should you sugar coat everything, we "the mothers of the world" would instantly know you were telling an untruth and be so sadly disappointed ourselves. Your willingness to share the ups & downs of motherhood and life is what your fan club relate to.
Not only is it good for you but it's good for your readers as well. Thank you for this wonderful gift you share with us. It's a treasure and an addiction, so please don't even think about changing now.
It's easy to love a smiling sweet baby. The true test of motherhood is when you still love the screaming, messy, stinky baby!!! You don't have to like him at that moment as long as you always love him!
Kiss noise,
Granny B

Oliver said...

Well said, Granny B!! Being vulnerable is always scary - but it's so genuine, and I love it! So glad you decided to keep on it. And by the way, you are beautiful in that red shirt!