Does This Thing Come With Instructions?

Whoever said that parenting would be easy is a big fat liar.

Okay, nobody said parenting would be easy. In fact, everyone said it would be really hard, but I guess I just wasn't listening.

I think one of the hardest parts is having no point of reference for what is quote-unquote normal. For example, Alex is completely opposed to the whole notion of sleeping. And being tired is irrelevant. Although he exhibits every sign of fatigue, he will fight off sleeping with every bone in his body. He still gnaws and roots when he gets sleepy, but even on the rare occasion that I allow him to nurse to sleep, he wakes up the second I pull away. He will eventually go to sleep if he is being held and rocked or held and bounced or held and walked, but as soon as you go to put him down, he wakes up in a huff and the process starts over. On a rare occasion, he will accidentally fall asleep in his swing, but as soon as he startles and realizes that he has fallen asleep, he seems completely annoyed that he allowed himself to do so and proceeds to fuss until we can rock or bounce or walk him to sleep again. And that's just naps - forget about nighttime! I could rock him until until he is dead to the world, then the second I lay him in his crib he is wide awake and looking at me like, "Who said we could stop rocking? Get back to it, woman." Are all babies this resistant to sleeping or is it just my precious little angel?

At this point, I have completely tossed every self-imposed rule and preconceived notion that I once had out the window and am guilty of just about every thing that I swore I wouldn't do. I have found that you do what you gotta do to keep the baby and yourself sane, laying any convictions aside for the time being. And everyone says, "It'll get better." Great. Just tell me when so I can mark that date on my calendar and start crossing off the days.

I hate to wish away any moment I have with him now, but it is hard to enjoy every minute when I am frustrated and sleep deprived. I am afraid that my expectations for Alex are way too high for his age, and I find myself trying to reason with a seven week old instead of accepting the fact that he is a baby and that he will cry and fuss and that's okay. I have spent many hours on the internet, seeking answers to my many questions, but have found very little info about dealing with babies under three months. Is that because no one knows what to do before that? Even the experts are like, "Check back at three months. 'Till then, you're on your own."

I don't want to give the impression that it is all bad, because that certainly isn't the case. For the most part, parenthood is wonderful and exhilarating and such a precious gift that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world. (Of course, that can be difficult to keep that in mind when it is three in the morning and the baby will only sleep if Mom is wide awake and rocking him.) Aside from sleeping (or not sleeping) issues, Alex has the sweetest disposition and is so much fun to play with. He isn't super interactive just yet, but he's getting there, and his smiling and laughing and cooing is enough to keep all three of us entertained for a while. And when he actually is asleep, I can't help but stare at him and tell him how sweet and loved he is, often sacrificing my own precious naptime to do so. Oh well, totally worth it...